Disillusion
by Celestia0909
Summary: "She would always be his second choice, a dirty secret that needed to be buried in a chest and put away until he wanted her attention again." / Lily Evans reflects on her relationships in the midst of a heatwave.


**Disillusion**

[A/N at the end]

 _Thank you to the ever so amazing, 2D for the beta! xx_

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Lily Evans had always loved Cokeworth. The old warehouses and industrial buildings were her childhood playgrounds - the smell of smoke and oil were never far from her. She had always enjoyed exploring the abandoned canneries and factories, and most summer days she explored them with her sister.

But as she wiped her brow languidly, she found herself wishing that she could be anywhere else.

For the past week or so, the town had been stuck in a heatwave. The dizzying restlessness in the air was only emphasised by the buzz of flies, mosquitoes, and dragonflies as she steadily walked along the low brick wall next to the polluted creek. The smoke from the factories were stifling and the smell of oil made her stomach churn.

Earlier in the day, she had heard on the wireless that it was supposed to be the hottest day in a century. And as she slowly toed her sweaty feet out of loafers, sitting cross-legged on the brick wall, she seriously regretted straying from home. She'd hoped that leaving the house might provide some relief from the heat, but as the sun bore oppressively against her shoulders, legs, and the back of her neck, she knew she had been wrong.

Of course, the _real_ reason she had left the house had nothing to do with the heat, and _everything_ to do with a certain bespectacled boy with a terrible case of bedhead hair. If her feelings towards James Potter had been confusing before his letter had arrived, they were in a total shambles now.

Since she'd received the letter, she had been wandering aimlessly around Cokeworth, overthinking the reason why James had sent it so unexpectedly. She hadn't even begun to think about sending her reply, and no doubt Perpetua would stubbornly stay perched atop their refrigerator until she did. She had already been pecked a few times on her fingers thanks to the obstinate owl.

Hot sweat trickled down her arms and Lily hissed in panic - fearing that the ink would run - as she took the envelope out from her underarm and placed it on her lap, atop her deep burgundy linen sundress that she'd bought from a consignment store with her mum. Wiping her sweaty palms on her dress, she pulled the letter out and began to read it for possibly the twentieth time that day.

 _Lily,_

 _My cousin Fergus (I know, what a ridiculous name!) is getting married this Saturday and I was wondering if you'd want to come with me? It wouldn't be as my girlfriend or anything, but I reckon you'd be a right sight better in a dress than Sirius!_

 _I don't want to force you into coming, you definitely_ don't _have to, but I would really love it if you could. My mum's side is a bit barmy and I need reinforcements in case Sirius tries anything wild._

 _The wedding invitation is in the envelope,_ please _come with us! It'll be a good laugh!_

 _Send Perpetua back with your reply, watch out though - she nips._

 _James_

James already messy scrawl was barely legible as Lily grinned down at the parchment. He had clearly written it in a rush.

She'd have never thought it possible before, but since the incident by the lake things had changed. Any previously held misconceptions about James Potter were just that - misconceptions. She actually loved having him as a friend, and there were moments when she could envision them being something _more_.

And yet, there was something - or perhaps some _one_ \- in the shadows of her heart that held her back from letting him get _too_ close. It was the same reason why she had hesitated in sending a reply to Perpetua, and the same reason why she had been feeling a flurry of confused emotions and thoughts.

Lily jumped in fright and sat up as the sounds of soft shuffling footsteps and the crunching of dry grass cut through the silence. She fingered her wand in her pocket and glanced behind her; a lanky figure cloaked in billowing black robes was making their way closer to her. He looked ridiculous in the oversaturated light of the day, and totally out of place, but a pang of guilt - or perhaps happiness - struck her heart as Severus Snape made a beeline for her.

"I thought I told you that I didn't want to speak to you anymore," Lily said in a loud voice, disturbing the stillness of the water as she shuffled against the brick wall.

The sallow faced boy ignored her and self-consciously pulled his dark robes closer to his body. Despite the sweltering heat pressing down on the town, Severus looked completely unaffected as he stopped in front of her, hands in his pocket. His hair had grown a few inches since she'd last seen him and, if it was possible, his skin had gotten even paler.

"What are you doing here anyway? You hate the creek," Lily said. It was clear that Severus wasn't going away as he sat a few metres away from her, eyes trained on the murky brown creek below. He fidgeted with the hem of his robes and realisation dawned on Lily. "You followed me here."

A few minutes of tense silence passed by as Lily felt his gaze flickering to her every few minutes or so. She wanted to look at him too, but she fought the urge, reminding herself that they were no longer friends and that any inclination towards him would only fuel his attempts to reconnect with her.

"You look really nice today," he said softly. Lily stared stubbornly at a dragonfly as it hovered above the water, its beating wings causing small ripples to appear. "Lily, I know you're sick of me saying this but I'm sorry."

White hot anger seared through her veins at his admission. He was right, she _was_ sick of hearing him say it.

"What are you sorry for this time, Severus?" She spat out, turning her head to glare at him. Severus' eyes flickered with regret for a moment.

There were a hundred and one things that Severus had to be sorry about, but people changed. _He_ had changed sooner than her, but she wasn't the same person either. A lot could change in a year. Lily opened her mouth to speak but before she could, Severus' eyes darted to the letter in her lap, and as his lips thinned, she knew that he'd read who it was from.

"What's going on between you and Potter?" Severus blurted, face contorted into one of barely concealed rage.

"It's none of your business." Lily decided as she stood up, letter and envelope in hand, and dusted herself off. She shoved her shoes on rather roughly and cringed at how sweaty they were. Before she could walk away, a firm hand gripped her wrist painfully and kept her rooted to the spot. "What are you doing?"

"I deserve to know what's happening between you and _him_ ," he spat.

Lily whirled around, tightening her hold on the letter as she wrapped her free hand around Severus' sleeve and pushed it up his forearm. A dark tattoo - a skull with a snake protruding from it - was branded onto his pale skin and Lily's heart sank as all of James' theories were confirmed. She had never wanted to believe it, but as the tattoo burned itself into her mind, the proof was undeniable.

It was no secret that Severus and his entourage of Slytherins were going to join the Death Eaters after Hogwarts, but Lily had never _really_ believed that her former best friend could ever join such a despicable group. But as Severus let her wrist go to push his sleeve back down, Lily realised painfully that she didn't even _know_ who it was that stood in front of her.

He _looked_ like the Severus that she had grown up with, but this boy was far from the person she'd called her best friend. This person was a complete stranger to her.

Any naive hope that she'd had of repairing their friendship was extinguished at the sight of his new tattoo. Severus would _never_ be happy if she made him choose between her and his obsession with dark magic, power, and the thirst to prove himself. She would always be his second choice, a dirty secret that needed to be buried in a chest and put away until _he_ wanted _her_ attention again.

A heavy feeling of loss settled into Lily's heart and stomach as she took a few steps back and shook her head. Severus opened his mouth a few times to speak, but nothing came out and a bitingly cool breeze ruffled the hem of her dress. The sun's rays dimmed and Lily watched as dark, ominous, storm clouds engulfed the clear blue sky above.

The letter in Lily's hand felt heavy as cold replaced the heat. She offered a weak smile to Severus, ignoring the tightening of her chest as she turned away and began walking home.

The hairs on her arms stood in attention and as a few drops of rain fell on her shoulders - tears streaming down her face - she knew what her reply to James would be.

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 **Author's Note**

WORD COUNT: 1,539

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WRITTEN FOR:

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THC Round 2

House: Ravenclaw

Position: Prefect

Category: Standard

Prompt/s: [Weather] Heatwave

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Hogwarts

House: Ravenclaw

Subject: Muggle Arts

Task: 1, Write about facing a loss (can be any kind of loss)

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Thank you for reading and please don't forget to leave a little review!

Love, Andy xo


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